This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
