Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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