Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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