I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
