what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize