Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
