i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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