The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
