My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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