I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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