Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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