I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
