when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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