My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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