Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
