And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
