and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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