Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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