I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
