Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
