So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
