So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
