when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
