Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
