You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
