I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Actions speak louder than pants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
