i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
