swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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