Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
