I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
where does the pee come out of this thing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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