Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize