In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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