I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Boobs are out for the taking
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
