His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
