you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
