Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
