she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things