Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  no weekend plans? you're practically married

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  just without the last name or joint bank account

  (616): View more from Michigan

  i'd advise against both

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  (616): no weekend plans? you're practically married (1-616): just without the last name or joint bank account (616): i'd advise against both http://tfl.nu/dufy
  Replies (6) Good night (1049) Bad night (2038)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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  (805): Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick. http://tfl.nu/20nm
  Replies (21) Good night (563) Bad night (2989)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."

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  (802): I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic." http://tfl.nu/uvkh
  Replies (60) Good night (5299) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

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  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (6294) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

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  (224): I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/1jen
  Replies (12) Good night (7226) Bad night (1207)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

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  (517): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii http://tfl.nu/lbrx
  Replies (22) Good night (9344) Bad night (1596)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.

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  (414): I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome. http://tfl.nu/m7qx
  Replies (4) Good night (3225) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.

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  (316): As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on. http://tfl.nu/xyx3
  Replies (6) Good night (747) Bad night (3791)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.

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  (207): Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity. http://tfl.nu/td06
  Replies (4) Good night (2193) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job

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  (435): For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job http://tfl.nu/nykr
  Replies (7) Good night (2268) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend

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  (478): Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend http://tfl.nu/itrv
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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  (717): I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen? http://tfl.nu/h6xb
  Replies (10) Good night (545) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey I found a cat!

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  (270): Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do. (1-270): Hey I found a cat! http://tfl.nu/yvuv
  Replies (7) Good night (1858) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts

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  (917): I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts http://tfl.nu/w8os
  Replies (2) Good night (342) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs

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  (678): you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs http://tfl.nu/i4tg
  Replies (0) Good night (154) Bad night (337)

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