Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?

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  (513): The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him? http://tfl.nu/pyyw
  Replies (23) Good night (6477) Bad night (794)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

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  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (6149) Bad night (1002)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.

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  (330): I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it. http://tfl.nu/zgfe
  Replies (18) Good night (4201) Bad night (1239)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.

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  (515): In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much. http://tfl.nu/n8ik
  Replies (7) Good night (1891) Bad night (988)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

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  (319): the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy". http://tfl.nu/gh3y
  Replies (9) Good night (4358) Bad night (1531)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.

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  (636): I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle. http://tfl.nu/niba
  Replies (6) Good night (2322) Bad night (853)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

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  (717): ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk. http://tfl.nu/2qzx
  Replies (4) Good night (1913) Bad night (823)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots

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  (780): One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots http://tfl.nu/onvu
  Replies (6) Good night (587) Bad night (1414)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.

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  (208): You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish. http://tfl.nu/85ra
  Replies (9) Good night (568) Bad night (1605)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night

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  (719): Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night http://tfl.nu/la5y
  Replies (6) Good night (1489) Bad night (614)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.

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  (403): Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards. http://tfl.nu/sqj0
  Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (549)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.

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  (917): KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP. http://tfl.nu/9fya
  Replies (7) Good night (1606) Bad night (504)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.

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  (503): Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home. http://tfl.nu/577r
  Replies (2) Good night (472) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time

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  (603): You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time http://tfl.nu/76fp
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime

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  (856): he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime http://tfl.nu/17r4
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (307)

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