i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND