Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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  (479): I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight. http://tfl.nu/07n7
  Replies (27) Good night (5227) Bad night (1103)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

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  (860): I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/etyc
  Replies (12) Good night (890) Bad night (2206)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.

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  (208): all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem. http://tfl.nu/lmoj
  Replies (32) Good night (3408) Bad night (1404)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.

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  (740): ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days. http://tfl.nu/z4ue
  Replies (56) Good night (5705) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.

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  (302): It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it. http://tfl.nu/3oo8
  Replies (17) Good night (817) Bad night (5814)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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  (850): I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5 http://tfl.nu/td44
  Replies (58) Good night (775) Bad night (4820)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man

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  (215): and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man http://tfl.nu/boh9
  Replies (11) Good night (4104) Bad night (1573)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

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  (870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible". http://tfl.nu/e3k3
  Replies (43) Good night (7749) Bad night (1610)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?

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  (717): Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag. (610): was it embarrassing when you had to say yes? http://tfl.nu/rz29
  Replies (10) Good night (1632) Bad night (6357)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (9102) Bad night (1661)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

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  (+44): I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon. http://tfl.nu/t0p2
  Replies (5) Good night (4781) Bad night (1537)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?

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  (678): Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up? http://tfl.nu/320o
  Replies (10) Good night (2890) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person

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  (541): I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person http://tfl.nu/p4il
  Replies (11) Good night (2367) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.

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  (412): I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila. http://tfl.nu/4mhj
  Replies (3) Good night (1914) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist

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  (603): They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist http://tfl.nu/686t
  Replies (0) Good night (272) Bad night (331)

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