i think my tv is drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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