i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.