Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
