So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
