john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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