I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
