I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
