Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
