I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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