why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
