I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
