I accidentally burped into my bong.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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