The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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