She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
