Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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