i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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