I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
