i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
