your thong is hanging out like whoa
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
barbara walters just said penis...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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