My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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