Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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