i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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