How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I faked an abortion last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
