Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
