The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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