Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
