we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
