So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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