im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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