There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
