I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
