Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
