suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
