Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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